- ah, shit.
my writing jag crashed, and so did i.
i slept with my window open, just an inch to let in the wet air. this morning, the fresh wet scent filled my room. i woke, i stretched, and the scent, which should have been a welcome one, which is normally a welcome one, was today, not.
somehow, it reminded me of days half my life ago, when all my hopes were ahead of me, and everything was yet to be done. and they're gone. they are only a waking reminder on a breath of air.
squandered time, and none left.
and yesterday's joy in writing is today's ashen grief.
it is a dead end day, for a dead end life.
6 comments:
Oh TJ are you o.k.?
You know I sometimes think like that. What have I done with my life? Nothing.
I'm honestly not very good at anything. I can't write beautifully like you and Elena, I can't cook like Ergo, I can't sew like RW, I didn't go to college so I don't have a degree in anything which makes me feel really stupid and ignorant a lot of the times, I'm not athletic, I have absolutely no ambition. Hell I can't even master the bagpipes!
I come from a very musical family. My grandfather was a Music Teacher, my grandmother a voice coach and piano teacher. Both my sisters have degrees in Music. Now my grandmother tried desperately to get me to sing, because she said I had a good voice, but I just can't sing in front of an audience. I freak out. I'd drive her to despair some days. So the only talent I have I just waste:(
I guess I'm just a waste of space.
I don't like to see you sad TJ. You were the first person that spoke to me at M's. I said something in Welsh and your answer went something like "what the gjhktiruerghfnvj" hee hee. Then you said Hi Welsh anon.
You mean a lot to me TJ. I just wish we could speak more often.
Please don't be sad. Smile for Welshie. Please. Pretty please:)
welsh anon, you are such a cheerful person, how can i not smile for you? your comments always make me smile!
(like when you were hiding from mayo and realized you were hiding right next to his profile info? hee hee hee!)
i think it's always hardest to see ourselves, especially in our low moments, and i seem to have a lot of low moments! thank you for coming here and reminding me of some of my strengths. :)
i wish we could talk more too -- i hardly ever get to be online when you are! i have the same trouble with miss t. i guess i'm just going to have to move to london or something so i can be in you guys' time zones. lol
but even so, i think you are a great addition to the blog. i'm glad you started commenting! i like reading what you write, i like hearing about your town and your family. you have a wonderful place, and are surrounded by people who mean a lot to you (even if you can't stand up and sing in front of them!)
that's much more than nothing. and so are you.
ydych yn ffrind, un arall yn rhodd gan y blog. ddiolch 'ch. :)
TJ. Thank you so much for your message and beautiful smile over at M's. I was smiling until my face ached!
I forgot to say how much I like your drawings. You're a very talented artist TJ. You guessed it, I can't draw either :(
I remember years ago looking after my three year old cousin and he wanted me to draw him farm animals.
cousin said "what's this Welshie"
Welshie said "It's a cow. moo moo."
cousin said "and what's this one Welshie"
Welshie said "that's a sheep. baa baa"
Cousin said "You're not very good at drawing are you?" :(
Haha. I remember hiding from Mayo that day! Only Welshie would be stupid enough to hide right next to Mayo's profile; MAYONAISE KILLS. Honestly I laughed out loud when I saw it. I pictured Mayo standing behind me, tapping me on the shoulder and shouting BOO!
Mae'n braf cael ffrindiau fel chi.
*waddles in wearing a Welsh Dragon costume*
Happy Saint David's Day to you.
Leaves a bunch of daffodils and a plate of Welsh Cakes on the table :)
*gasp*
daffodils?? i love daffodils! they are one of my most favoritest of flowers! they always giggle when i chuck them under the chin. :)
amf du welff case ah deiffioush!
*munchmunchmunch*
Hiya TJ sweetie. LOL I love the gifts, especially the mug. It's so me, however did you guess hee hee!
My place is on a nice quiet street but it is literally two streets away from all the shops, banks, restaurants, everything. The tube station is just round the corner. I'm not far way from where I'll eventually be placed after our training. I'll be in Wembley and EB37 works there.
I have a little kitchen which is easy to keep clean, a nice little bathroom, a main room where my bed is. I have a high up double bed which gives me more space below and a double sofa bed which means I can sleep 4 people so there's room for guests. I wanted a seperate bed and sofa cos so many places are so small, everything is literally a bed with a fridge and a microwave at the bottom and a shared bathroom. There's no way I wanted that, so I've been very lucky.
No uniform pics just yet. I'll post professional pics from when we have our passing out parade in April.
xxxxxx
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