- i am dying, actually.
after that autumn when everyone was leaving me, i began to look at my life as if it was being stripped down for some reason. it was very painful, but i pulled myself out of the hole time and time again with the nebulous idea that maybe, just maybe, this flaying of my life down to the bones had a purpose. maybe my life was being clear-cut to make room for something better, for my true and best self.
today a new image came to me. i didn't understand it, at first.
my life has been emptied out, and i'm slowly, in fits and starts, refilling it. i was beginning to see my life as a winter garden, bare and waiting for the spring planting. but then, this image.
the stripping down continues. it has moved within. i am dissolving, disintegrating and all on the inside. i am losing parts of myself that i thought crucial and core, and today i realized that they are being stripped away like particles in a sandstorm, components of my being flaking away in an internal cloud, gone away.
what will be left?
who will i be?
will i be anything at all?
4 comments:
Toujours,
I just want to wish you all the best, and my thoughts will be with you.
I see you TJ. I think you were a knight once a long time ago. And that is why, when you are faced with these trials, even though you want to turn back and surrender -you simply don't. You soldier on and you fullfil your quest. And better than that, you learn something from it. I will never fear for you TJ, even when it feels overwhelming and like I should; because I have faith that you -out of all of us -are going to be o.k. You'll make it through this trial and you will be here to walk the rest of us through ours. And I will never see you as grey. I think you shine more like a deep and firey passionate -Plum. ;p
I hope tomorrow moves by quickly for you. nighty night,loves l/d
Sending you love, peace and serenity. All will be well.
Much love Toujours, I'll be thinking of you.
Hey TJ, I just want to say, thank you for what you said. You really did make me feel better and brave, but sadly, my mouth and fingers are faster than my heart and mind. I apologize greatly if my deleting offended you, so very not my intent. Thank you again, I will not forget what you said to me. Love to you TJ.
Post a Comment