- last night was marked by vivid memories of sitting by my dad's bedside in his last days. though it's been over a year, last night i felt the fear again, and the loss, and the desperate clinging wish that it could have been different.
last night was marked by tears.
the traces of them stayed with me throughout the day. without my will, thoughts of dying, of losing loved ones and of my own end rose in my mind. what if something happened to me? no one here would know. i would just disappear.
more death greeted me when i reached home, and saw the news.
and places of comfort were jagged and loud with anger and insults.
the pure light of the full moon shining in my window tonight isn't able to chase away this miasma wrapped around me. i feel like a child who has just woken from a nightmare with no one there to wrap her in strong safe arms and tell her it was just a dream.
more than anything right now, i wish there really was a couch to curl up on with a purloined leather jacket, and be comforted, and be safe.
4 comments:
Toujours such beautiful sad words. Hauntingly beautiful. Thoughts of death are always walking beside us, whispering in our ears. And ever so often they move from our side to stand before us. They demand our attention.
Life and death are strange.
Any time you need me to post for you just let me know. I'm usually on the computer intil the wee hours of the morning. By the way, I loved posting that. It was beautiful!
hey tj, thank you for stopping by.
i always see you at the blogs, i just wish it was back to normal and everyone could be together again in one place.
*looks up at blogger*
damn you blogger
i am glad you had a ice day at work. i also enjoy our coffee times. you are a lovely person and i am happy that i have had the chance to know you in my life.
thank you
fimble, you pretty much made me cry with that lovely comment.
♥
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