riding the night mare

i dreamt about my uncle last night. in the dream, he had been ill for awhile, with a major disease, though i don't know which one. probably cancer though. finally, he made the decision not to persue any more treatment, and died.

here's the thing i can't shake about this dream though. it was my dad telling me this. he was standing right here in my dining room, right next to me where i sit at this computer, and he was describing how my uncle made his decision, and slowly pulled out the iv from the back of his hand...

and i was watching my dad mimic the removal of the iv, watching him pluck at his own hand.

my uncle isn't dead, and i would never wish that he had died instead of my dad...at least, consciously.

stupid brain. i didn't need to know this about myself.