- last night you wrote some beautiful things, but in the end, the one i haven't been able to get out of my mind is this:
Breaking hearts is the only thing I'm good at..
And the twist in this tale is I enjoy it.
- i honestly felt a little stab of pain when i read this, to read this claim you wrote about yourself. and i recognized it. it isn't a statement of self-knowledge, but one of self-harm. it is a wound you gouge into your own heart. i have some of my own, and i know them for what they are.
- but this isn't true of anyone, and it most certainly isn't true of you. i haven't the ability to convince you of this, but i can hope, i can pray that someday you'll be able to allow this wound to heal. until then, just know that these words of yours i refuse to believe.
11 comments:
I cannot lie. I was a bit stunned myself when I read that comment...
That comment really stunned me too. I think there must have been a time, (Kat time) when he didn't feel that way.
Your reactions to this statement are the same as mine. Well put TJ.
That comment stuck with me too. I saw a bit of myself in it from long ago. It's a defense mechanism. To hurt first before being hurt. I used to like the feeling of power. It's a good old-fashioned head game and I was good at it. Trouble was, it backfired. I have been humbled and I did learn.
I was thinking that too. Let's just say if that was Mayo, it appears that he would rather hurt someone than get hurt himself. He is afraid of getting hurt again. I suppose maybe I struck a nerve at him once again.
you guys both have a point about it being a defense mechanism, but what got to me about it is that it sounds like something awful you tell yourself is true about yourself, because if you're really a bad person in some way, then whatever hurts and disappointments you experience are justified, because you deserved them.
it's not true, it's never true. no one deserves being hurt, especially when the one you're hurting is yourself.
I absolutely agree with you toujours. Believe me, I noticed the way he said those harsh words. It appears to me that he was only saying them to convince himself that he is a bad person, as you mentioned. I don't think he is. I think he is just hurting and trying to steel himself in order to make himself feel as if nothing will hurt him again because he does not want anyone to get close to him again because of the fear of getting hurt.
I suppose tenderness and care will break that front.
He is afraid. He lives behind the mask to protect himself. But, you must love yourself before you can love someone else.
it's always weird to talk about how someone else feels, because you can only base it on what you know about yourself, and draw conclusions from there.
but when i read that statement, i knew what he meant by it, because that's something i do to myself, as well.
as for the masks...well, they do come in handy! ^.^
I agree jennicula, but maybe if he comes back, we should try something different. If he returns, I have to force myself to show kindness and love towards him or anyone else, but I was the one who was angry at him. Ugh, this is a bit difficult.
I wish he knew that not everyone is out to get him. But I still doubt its him.
Toujours, where was this comment posted?
Sorry I'm coming in so late...
hi andrea! you're not late! :)
this was part of a conversation between two anonymous's (anonymousi?) the other night in bleeding chaos' blog. we don't know for sure who they were, but i have a strong feeling one was mayo.
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