it was perfect. i had scouted out the area earlier in the day, and had decided that the back corner of the field was the best spot for me to have my sabbat observance. the ground had a slope that was unnoticeable until you were at the bottom of it. standing there, tucked in against the woods curving behind me and around me to my right, the land rising away from me protectively, i knew this was my spot. it was so cozy.
tonight, in the dark, everything was different. larger. stranger. birds startled by my passage fluttered away, their wings ratcheting and loud against the bare branches. the world was shadow and deep dark, and the only color was the endless eternal liquid of the night sky, and the stars that live there.
but i went to my spot (as best as i could identify it), and sat myself down, and made my arrangements. candle, lady, and an apple for offering. leaves around it, cider to the side. i was a little jittery, but i breathed deep. i wasn't going to be alone for long. i was here to meet my gods and all my beloved dead.
however, it's difficult to ground and center when your adrenaline is making your heart pound behind your sternum. it's very difficult, exceedingly difficult in fact, to focus your thoughts when you are listening to something walking through the autumn leaves in the woods behind you.
walking through the woods towards you, in the dark.
on all hallow's eve.
there are many creatures that live in the woods behind the house. deer, opossum, raccoons, squirrels...
coyotes.
so i listened. impossible to see anything, what with the candle light ruining my night vision. i listened and the footsteps came closer, came around to the side, following the curve of the woods, came to the edge.
well. that's just not right. how can i have a sabbat when i'm unable to breathe, or think? but it's halloween, and i'm a witch. whatever that is that's walking unafraid toward me through the rustling dead leaves is doing it wrong. they ought to be afraid of me, not the other way around.
so i gathered myself, and straightened my spine, and looked directly into the woods, though i could barely see anything from the candle's glare. but i looked directly all the same, i levelled my witch's gaze on the trees and raised my arm stiff and straight and pointed at the unseen offender, pointed with all the force of a stern and disapproving librarian.
"i hear you." i declared, each word with the weight of stone and earth. "i hear you. go away. go away!"
that was that. no more footsteps. and soon enough i had regained my calm, and greeted my gods. i laughed at myself and knew they grinned along with me. i embraced my memories of my departed, and told them what i missed of them, and what i was given by them. i reaffirmed my connection to the forefather of all my family in this country. with love and pride i gave them my offering, and shared it too with my gods, who then shared with me.
maybe it was a shorter, less poetic observance than in the past. maybe my voice singing the closing song was a little louder than usual.
but being afraid, and being under the stars, greeting my gods and greeting my dead, candlelight and night air, all that made it all perfect. the ties are renewed. i am reconnected. i can go into the dark of the year, no matter what rustlings may shadow me.
